What life is

During univ, I always wondered what life is. I kept asking myself "What is life?" and I lost into finding a meaning to it. Now though as I've seen more of the world, met more people, seen more of the life itself, I don't ask that question anymore. I just think, life is...now! It is this very moment. It's life. Funny how things unfold with me.

• I'm married to my 'best friend' from univ.
• Now that everything seems to be fine, I constantly have health problems.
• I used have to walk with a cane and be temporarily disabled for 6 months while I was in Singapore.
  
• I work in the car industry and am happy about it, but now I'm more and more excited with the IT industry and am sad that not many of my friends are techies.
  
• Some of my friends have children now and I'm becoming an aunt!
• Me and Japan. Something Japanese always popped up in my life. Now my sister is transferring to Japan for 1 year.
  

The reason I think about it again is actually because I watched a Japanese drama series called "Lunch Queen" or "Lunch no Jo-ou" or "สูตรรัก ข้าวห่อไข่". I was fun but it ended not so impressively. It ended "just like that" or in Japanese "so no mama". The story itself and how it was told were good.

It's about life of a family that owns a restaurant full of passion in keeping their restaurant running with the good old taste their father has kept for 30 odd years.

It makes me think about life that sometimes we wait from something good to happen and sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes the good things bring bad experience that follows. Sometimes the bad is not so bad after all.

But the Lunch queen could have ended better! There should have been conclusions...like 10 years later...this guy got married with this girl so on and so forth.

Anyway, life is NOW, my friend. Take a deep breath and enjoy every moment of it.

When I feel stressed

When I feel stressed

I just do what I can and not worry about it.


When things seem really bad

I think I might have already been saved. It could have been worse, but it's not!


When I work with people whose attitude I don't like
I try to be kind to them and understand them, but I don't let their actions affect my action.

These make me happy.

Sick leave

I think sometimes when the life moves too quickly and you sort of cannot catch up. You work too hard to catch that your body and the immune system cannot take it anymore, you fall sick. That's the reason why you get sick working too hard.

And when you stay at home while everyone else is at work, it's like the busy world stops and you can retreat in your own world. You recuperate. Like you say 'time-out' 'I need to rest' 'I need a day off', so that you can gather your strength and get back to the field.

Today is when I call for a time-out. Have been so tired.

Would it be happier?

Would it be happier if I were a musician? I can be with music ALL THE TIME. I heard a song played today along the way to the office and it immediately made me feel happier and I just said to myself, "I love music". I just want to have time to play piano and 'practice practice practice!' again. I just want to sing...and dance...and write my own songs...and just play them. Nobody sees me much singing dancing..but it's what I really-- like to do! But my father always says if you face a problem or you are unhappy about something, you should look at yourself and what you could do first..

And for me now? I'll just take a deep breath...and try to find time to play music again...

Being married

I'm a Mrs. now! We actually got married on the 1 May 2007 at 11:49 am at Sapansung district office. Today I just went to the district office again to change the status in my ID card from Miss >> to >> Mrs. They are open half day on Saturday. It feels a bit strange looking at the card and saw Mrs. in front of my name. I've been using Miss for almost 28 full years.

Well... Being married for me I think it's like another stage in life. You have one more person that you really care for and 'attach' to. Your family is extended. It's not only you anymore when you want to make a certain decision in life. I think it's very important that you marry a right person! Definitely. I know everyone knows that, but still some people like to fall for bad guys/gals.

For me being married is...much better than it was before. You always have a friend who understands. You always have someone to talk to and share your view with, especially when you are a person who looks at the world from a totally different angle from other people's. It's just sweeter, warmer, and happier. Don't you feel happier looking at the person you love doing his or her own things? The person you want to be around.

Many of my friends are getting married this year. Some have already got married last year. We went to their weddings together. Happy times. For our own wedding though, I might be around the beginning of next year, maybe Jan or Feb. We are not sure yet. Sometimes it's just too difficult to decide and please everyone including yourself when you have an extended family. Well, we are going to make it. I just don't think about it anymore. When the time comes, I think we can decide on a right thing to do that will be best for us.

I don't know what the future may be, but I'd rather be happy with what it is right now, with the people I love as they are with me right now and enjoy myself in every moment. I would rather do that.

For now, Good night.

In the meantime...

According to Iyanla Vanzant in "In the meantime", you should...
1. Love yourself no matter what! Never let what is happening or the fear of what could happen rob you of your ability to love yourself.
2. Feel what you feel and acknowledge that you are feeling it. Before you reach out to avoid the pain, reach in and feel it.
3. Express what you feel verbally or in writing. If you try to hold it in, it will choke you!
4. Get clear about what you want. What do you want to do? How do you want to feel?
5. You need to spend some time with yourself and gather up the little pieces that you have given away.

...now please allow me..to express myself to you...
I feel like to want to cry. I feel like I want to fly away far and far away, to peace and loving kindness and just stay there. I feel like I'm locked in. I cannot speak my mind. I have feet but I cannot walk. I have hands but they are tied. I just want to cry. I am hurt. I am frustrated. I am beaten. My heart is broken. I want to breathe fresh air. I want to breathe in freedom.
I am uncomfortable. I now live under a roof of different rules. There are plenty of space here but I'm confined to stay in my room. I don't have anything to discuss with anyone. I am just here... I'm heart-broken, though I might not accept it before. I didn't truly accept it. I was open to take in a new extended family. I was dreaming of a heartwarming wedding full of love and happiness. A day in life when you share your love with your loved ones.

It is not going to happen to me.. How can you call it love when you want everything to be your way? Some parents want things to be their way, exactly the way they want it, every little detail. Sometimes they just forget..that the child has grown up. Their child is growing old too and his/her life is shorter as a day goes by. He/she has to make decision for his/her own life now.

I tried my best to take in new culture, accept new rules. But this is just too much already. Sometimes when you love someone, you just have to let them be and support them to the best you can. Every being is responsible for their own life. Not you. Not me. They, themselves.

I pray for a peaceful mind from now until eternity...
Please guide me...

Wedding no more...

March is passing so quickly. It's now end of the month, which is at the same time the end of the first quarter too! Oh, what a ride I had! First I was preparing for the wedding. The date had been set already. It would be(have been) on the 26 Aug Sun). I chose the place already. I really wanted to have a garden wedding. So I chose Suanthip. It's such a nice place for a garden wedding. It was exactly what we wanted. But then our dream fell apart when we discussed it with Keng's family. His family had a totally different idea on E-v-e-r-ything! We wanted a 400-guest garden wedding, but his father's idea was to have a 1,000-guest wedding in a well-known hotel.

..Oh well..
Not only that, my parent and Keng's parent had a B-I-G fight that night we discussed the wedding! Basically they disagreed on everything! I was definitely on my mum's side and I think Keng was too.
So we resolved to have no wedding at all. Heart broken but it'd be unbearable to go through another fight. It was supersonic chaotic really!!! I had never had such a scene before. It's like in a soap opera really. Never thought it would happen to me, but it hit me right into the teeth. ha ha

..Sorry gals you cannot be my bridesmaids anymore.. and no more Thai costume-theme party...

Well sometimes you just got to take a detour *wink*


* Pictures from www.suanthip.com

Wanna be Happy? *_*

I read an article on Freakonomics blog this morning. It's about *Happiness*
Everyone is interested in happiness these days. It's true. We can see marketing strategy from big corporations use happiness as a key message. Not to mention "peaceful happiness" you are told you can get from going to exotic resorts, practicing yoga, doing new age meditation. Everyone is craving for happiness.

This is what you get when you search for happiness on the web.

DTAC Happy

But what they proposed is "the secret of happiness" is............ low expectations!

I think it's interesting and it's true. You don't get disappointed so easily when you have low expectations. I think it's good to have low expectations on other people and things that you cannot control. Sometimes we just have to do our best. And best is best. We don't need to worry about anything anymore and that is happiness I guess.

Let's just do our best each moment, then*

Me, My tea, and My Jazz music..

Sipping my hot milk tea on a Friday night while the Jazz music is on...

I am contented... I am in love with the moment...

You can always find these little things in life to enjoy, can't you? You should! In order to lead a happy life, you should. Sit peacefully for a while, and write something or think about something. Make yourself comfortable. You will find the joy..in the moment.

My life now? Oh.. this week was the most painful week in the month for my feet.. I had a little "misunderstanding" session with my boyfriend last night.. My boss wants me to finish most of the job before I leave for Thailand, so he's a bit pushy sometimes.. What else? Oh.. the things with my family. It's like I always have to glue them together in a nice way. Like I have to rearrange them, their mental attitudes, so that all the pieces in the picture coexist in harmony, so that the positive atmosphere is in the air. Well, it takes a lot of mind and mental energy as well to do that. The secret, though, is that you have to do it without worrying! You have to talk to your friends and loved ones without worries, if you want to help them! That's the secret I found.

Well, well, well... Life is good (if you want it to be.)

I love you. I love you. I love you!
Thank you. Thank you. And Thank you!

The Golden Light

* เราเป็นผู้ที่ปราศจาก ความโกรธ *

* I am a person without anger *

What's happening?!

เคยคิดว่า อยากมีความรักที่ดี มีชีวิตที่ดี มีการงานที่ดี ไม่เคยคิดถึงเรื่องสุขภาพ

ตอนนี้พอสุขภาพไม่ดี ทุกอย่างที่ดีก็เหมือนจะแย่ไปหมด...

เหนื่อย อยากไปทะเล อยากหยุด อยากไม่ต้องคิดมาก อยากหายป่วย...

..อยากให้มีคนเข้าใจ..

Sadness...

เวลาที่คนที่เรารักเศร้า เราก็รู้สึกเศร้าไปด้วย เวลาที่เขาบอกว่าไม่อยากจะมีชีวิตอยู่ ก็อยากเข้าไปกอดแล้วบอกว่า ชีวิตเธอมีค่ามากนะ ขอให้อยู่ให้มีความสุขเถอะนะ ถ้ามีอะไรมาทำให้ทุกข์ใจก็ขอให้บอก จะพยายามช่วยเต็มที่ ให้ยิ้มได้มีความสุขเหมือนเดิม

นึกถึงตัวเองเวลาที่รู้สึกอย่างนี้ ตอนนั้นเหมือนมองไปทางไหนก็มีแต่อุปสรรค์ แต่จริงๆแล้วในความมืดนั้นมันมีความเชื่อมั่น ความหวัง ความรักอยู่รอบๆตัวเราไปหมดซึ่งเราในขณะนั้นมองไม่เห็น แต่จริงๆแล้วความเชื่อมั่น ความหวัง และความรัก อยู่รอบๆตัวเราทุกคน เพียงแต่เราจะยอมรับรู้พลังของมันหรือเปล่าเท่านั้น เพราะฉะนั้น อย่างเศร้าเลยนะ เราก็จะพยายามทำให้ดีที่สุดในตอนนี้ และทุกครั้งก็จะเลือกที่จะทำสิ่งที่ดี แล้วมันก็คงจะดีเอง ถ้าใจมีพลังก็ทำได้ทุกอย่างนะ และเธอก็ไม่ได้อยู่คนเดียวนี่นา...