In the meantime...

According to Iyanla Vanzant in "In the meantime", you should...
1. Love yourself no matter what! Never let what is happening or the fear of what could happen rob you of your ability to love yourself.
2. Feel what you feel and acknowledge that you are feeling it. Before you reach out to avoid the pain, reach in and feel it.
3. Express what you feel verbally or in writing. If you try to hold it in, it will choke you!
4. Get clear about what you want. What do you want to do? How do you want to feel?
5. You need to spend some time with yourself and gather up the little pieces that you have given away.

...now please allow me..to express myself to you...
I feel like to want to cry. I feel like I want to fly away far and far away, to peace and loving kindness and just stay there. I feel like I'm locked in. I cannot speak my mind. I have feet but I cannot walk. I have hands but they are tied. I just want to cry. I am hurt. I am frustrated. I am beaten. My heart is broken. I want to breathe fresh air. I want to breathe in freedom.
I am uncomfortable. I now live under a roof of different rules. There are plenty of space here but I'm confined to stay in my room. I don't have anything to discuss with anyone. I am just here... I'm heart-broken, though I might not accept it before. I didn't truly accept it. I was open to take in a new extended family. I was dreaming of a heartwarming wedding full of love and happiness. A day in life when you share your love with your loved ones.

It is not going to happen to me.. How can you call it love when you want everything to be your way? Some parents want things to be their way, exactly the way they want it, every little detail. Sometimes they just forget..that the child has grown up. Their child is growing old too and his/her life is shorter as a day goes by. He/she has to make decision for his/her own life now.

I tried my best to take in new culture, accept new rules. But this is just too much already. Sometimes when you love someone, you just have to let them be and support them to the best you can. Every being is responsible for their own life. Not you. Not me. They, themselves.

I pray for a peaceful mind from now until eternity...
Please guide me...